EP 6 - Taking Care of Your Health In The Middle Of Your Child’s Health Crisis - with Dr. Maureen Michele Petersen, MD
Dr. Maureen Michele Petersen joins Priscilla on the podcast sharing:
How parents can breakthrough overwhelm to find a full and rewarding life while managing their child's health challenges
How to advocate for yourself and your child in the Dr's office
Her personal journey coping with her child's cancer and Type 1 diabetes and heart for the work she does
And much more!
Maureen Michele Petersen, MD is an award-winning leader, life coach, author, and physician. As a general pediatrician and allergist/immunologist, she has spent her career caring for patients with a variety of acute and chronic health problems. She is a military veteran and has enjoyed using her story-telling talent to teach young physicians the art of medicine. She is an accomplished life coach who helps parents of chronically ill children regain control of their lives and thrive at fulfillment.
Her new book "Reclaiming Life, a guide for parents of chronically ill children" is not only for parents but for anyone who wants to learn the secret to thriving.
Connect, follow, and learn more about Dr. Maureen:
Website: https://maureenmichelemd.com
Instagram: @maureenmichelemd
https://www.instagram.com/maureenmichelemd/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maureenmichelemd
Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BNKXF3VQ
Disclaimer
The information provided on this podcast by host and guest are for educational and general wellness purposes only. The information provided is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a licensed healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical concerns or conditions.
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Transcript
Taking care of yourself in the middle of your child's health crisis
[00:00:20] Priscilla: Welcome Maureen. You're our first MD and published author on the podcast and I'm thrilled to have you because you bring so much value to those you help. Now your specialty is helping parents, particularly. particularly those with children with type 1 diabetes, but I had to have you on because this definitely impacts women's health as well.
[00:00:39] And who doesn't want to thrive, which is all about what you're about. So can you share your journey to becoming a physician and how you decide to eventually add on life
[00:00:49] coaching?
[00:00:51] Dr. Maureen: Yeah. So I just want to start out by saying thanks so much for having me on. I am absolutely honored to be the first doctor and the first author on your show.
[00:01:01] The story to becoming a doctor is actually not very exciting, that I always, from the time I can even remember, wanted two things out of life, to be a mom and to be a doctor. And I was fortunate to be able to accomplish both of those dreams. I became a life coach way farther down the road in my career because of my journey in motherhood, that I was a pediatric resident right after graduating medical school.
[00:01:42] I in residency had my second child. Who was my daughter, and when she was six months old, she was diagnosed with pediatric neuroblastoma, which is a type of cancer. I felt like my world had come crashing in because the one thing I dreamed about throughout my childhood was being taken away from me.
[00:02:12] I then focused all of my attention on her and her medical issues. I, of course, was super worried because I had taken care of children who had neuroblastoma through my career, and so my brain immediately went to all of the bad things that could have happened to her. With time, things got better, and I focused less on just her, and focused more on the other parts of my life.
[00:02:53] Fast forward though, When she was 12, I had the honor of being the physician to diagnose her with type 1 diabetes and again felt like my world was crashing in for all of the same reasons that it was. Previously, I had taken care of lots of kids who had type 1 diabetes before and knew what to expect, knew this was going to be a big change in our lives.
[00:03:24] I, though, had the experience of going through. her cancer journey with her as an infant years earlier, and I knew I didn't want to go back to that dark place that I had experienced earlier. So really dug deep into being proactive about my own mental health went and Dove into books and podcasts and got a coach and really understood the power of coaching and taking care of myself and understood how that made such a difference in what I was trying to do as a parent.
[00:04:11] It wasn't until a few years later when I had a leadership position at the hospital and wanted to learn more about mentorship that I became a Certified Life Coach. Those tools with coaching though, I was able to help my patients in clinic with those tools, along with being a mentor to people I was in charge of in the hospital.
[00:04:42] And I saw, again, how powerful coaching and really understanding your own brain can be when trying to take care of big challenges in life.
[00:04:57] Priscilla: Yeah, that's incredible. So do you feel like I know you mentioned that you decided to be proactive. Do you think there was a different experience for you between having a young kid like when she was really little with such a big scary diagnosis versus I don't want to say type one diabetes is no small thing because it's not right, but people don't. Yeah. Immediately die from it, so was there a difference there in your thought process or how was that for you,
[00:05:28] Dr. Maureen: I would actually say just the opposite of what you're thinking that I think. the type one diabetes part was harder than the cancer part as an infant.
[00:05:41] And the reason I say that is during her cancer journey, she was six months old, so couldn't speak at the time. I knew what she was thinking, because what kid or what person likes to be poked and prodded and enjoys going to surgery and recovering from surgery. So of course, like she was not having a fun experience out of it, but she didn't have words to tell me what she was thinking.
[00:06:15] And I, Think of that as a blessing to me as a parent, because it would have been harder to hear what she was saying because I knew she still had to go through it. When she was 12, having diabetes, she was in the middle of starting puberty and figuring out who she was as a person. And Understanding how all of these changes in her body were was going and how to make friends and do well in school and all the things that the teenage years bring about and now she had words.
[00:06:58] where she could tell me what she was thinking and feeling. And that was harder for me as a parent because you don't want to hear that your child is miserable or somebody at school said that they were different or that they couldn't do something because of a medical condition that they had. It was harder because she was way more involved in what was going on with her through the diabetes diagnosis.
[00:07:32] Priscilla: That makes so much sense. Yeah. So it was less about your response to it and more about the fact that she was having a response as well.
[00:07:41] Dr. Maureen: But, and all of that goes to, to show you that some, a very important concept in coaching is just about how Circumstances are neither good nor bad.
[00:07:57] It's really how our mind creates thoughts about that particular circumstance that lumps it into a category of being good or bad, and How our brain can work against us sometimes that and how we can get influenced by the words of others. And it's influenced because our brain is shooting off thoughts about what that other individual is.
[00:08:29] thinking or feeling. It's not that they're really doing something physically to us, it's our brain that's doing the work to sabotage us.
[00:08:41] Priscilla: No, I love that. I think about that often from like a standpoint of trauma, how , whether it's PTSD or whatever, we're reliving through the trauma, right?
[00:08:49] Obviously, our brain's trying to process something, but we're harming ourselves, but you would have a really unique take on this because You have the science, you're an MD, and then you have the coaching. Can you talk about like where the science and the coaching merge, how this shows up for your patients?
[00:09:07] Dr. Maureen: Yeah. It's so interesting because I think that there's a lot of things that are tools in the coaching and therapy world that, Really we should be using more of in the health care setting and a great example of that is gratitude. That, one of the things that I teach. Folks that I am helping, I teach them about carving out a few minutes of their day to write down three things that they are grateful for.
[00:09:48] And those three things need to be specific. So it can't be I love my kids. It needs to be, I love the conversation I had on the with my daughter. So very specific. Writing those three things down on a daily basis gives you a habit that forms a lens that you see the world through differently. And there's great science.
[00:10:18] Behind just that simple practice on changing the chemistry of your brain and how people by just doing that can be. Happier in their lives. And, that, that simple thing should be something that we as physicians are prescribing to our patients as much as we prescribe things like antibiotics or Pain medicines or anything that we should be prescribing that.
[00:10:54] Another thing is exercise, that exercise and movement is another big thing that the science has shown. It can help as much as antidepressants in some scenarios. And so prescribing exercise should be something that. Physicians are doing on a regular basis and so it, it's funny that you asked that question because I think right now, unfortunately there, there aren't enough physicians that are merging the two that we're still functioning in very siloed environments, which then become complicated because people don't.
[00:11:43] think of it in two different worlds, and it's not. It's all part of a whole person.
[00:11:52] Priscilla: Two questions that I'd love to ask you. So one is what is going on in the medical community that you're a part of right in terms of other providers and resources and support for providers like yourself to learn more about this, educate themselves, how can providers get that info and start serving their clients?
[00:12:14] What have you seen? in your practice and day to
[00:12:17] Dr. Maureen: day life.
[00:12:18] So I think it is becoming more welcomed in the medical community. And the reason I say that is this, in medicine, because of all the administrative burdens that go into caring for patients went now having to deal with multiple different insurance companies, etc.
[00:12:44] That A lot of physicians were having burnout and burnout in the medical community was on the rise along with physician suicide. But there was this dynamic that was going on because in the physician community, it is Shunned upon to go to a therapist or a psychiatrist because of the stigma attached to it.
[00:13:16] So there's a lot of work now that because of the focus of burnout on improving access to mental health care, be it through therapy, psychiatry, or coaching. So I think when physicians are able to do it for themselves, that it gets better Because then they can vocalize the opportunities for their patients in a more compassionate way because they've experienced the benefit of it themselves.
[00:13:56] I love
[00:13:57] Priscilla: that. How can you really offer something to your patients when you have, when you, it's not that you can't do it, but like you have, don't have access or you're, it's right. I think you said stigmatized. Yeah. Yeah. No, that, yeah. That's huge. I love that. My other follow up question is, do you think, and this is perhaps like my own experience, you mentioned recommending gratitude, recommending exercise do you think there's a lack of recommending those things? To normal and average sized people and the reason I ask this is because I'm fat so if I go to the doctor I can't tell you how many times I've been recommended to exercise There was a period where I went through what I now believe is like I had something going on from a chiropractor in my neck And I was basically told that all my symptoms were in my head and anxiety and depression So I feel like there's just this crazy mix of what doctors are saying viewing a patient versus what the patient's actually saying and experiencing.
[00:15:09] And obviously I know my own heart health, my, I have like lots of labs, but I feel like there could also be people that are like normal presenting that could need this information. Is there a difference in like how does that show up in the medical field and maybe specifically for the women and the parents that you work with?
[00:15:29] Dr. Maureen: Yeah. And so I would say I would answer your question with this. I talk a lot to my patients and clients about advocacy and having a voice in a healthcare provider's office because oftentimes folks feel like when they go to a doctor that, If they're trying to advocate for themselves, that it's like going into battle and you know that if you're meeting somebody who you think you're going to go into battle with, you're going to put up this like armor and be on the defensive and get aggressive.
[00:16:18] And so some of that comes from this thought that Individuals have that doctors are on a pedestal and that talking to somebody on a pedestal is an intimidating experience. But I often say and remind people doctors are humans, just like. You and me that there's going to be good days. There's going to be bad days.
[00:16:49] They're Going to be right some of the time they're going to be wrong some of the time and so going into a medical appointment and Understanding that it's a conversation to build a relationship of trust is much better than going into it thinking that they're going to battle. And the reason I mentioned that in response to your question is it's important for your listeners to understand when they go see their provider that you have to develop a relationship with a provider to be able to fully express your concerns and fully have a conversation about a treatment plan that they're offering you.
[00:17:45] I teach folks on a of a way to do that in terms of before the appointment, have a brain dump and write down everything that you want to get out of that appointment. That list of things that you want to cover serves you in a couple of ways. It serves you in a way to make sure that everything was covered that you wanted to be during that appointment time, but it also serves as an objective tool for if you get flustered and go back to, Oh my gosh, my doctor is.
[00:18:26] On this pedestal, you can bring yourself back, look at your list and just move on to the next thing without getting frazzled and forgetting one of the topics that you want to cover. So do every, does every doctor. Talk about exercise, nutrition, journaling, gratitude, probably not. They're trying to build a relationship with their patient.
[00:18:56] And so it's complicated because human relationships are complicated. So we need to be doing something that is helpful to the patient, but also helpful to that moment where they're going to hear what we're saying.
[00:19:15] Priscilla: Yeah I eventually had to get to the point where I had to write lists, right?
[00:19:19] Because I was like I'm having these symptoms, but I go into the doctor's office and the brain goes, whoop,
[00:19:24] Dr. Maureen: it all leaves, right? Exactly. Exactly.
[00:19:28] Priscilla: Absolutely.
[00:19:30] Dr. Maureen: And, but, the thing is. That if you go in and you have a bad appointment or you're trying to advocate for yourself and it just doesn't go well, the thing I would say is number one, don't beat yourself up about it.
[00:19:46] Let it go. It's okay. Every experience that we have in life, we have the opportunity to learn from it. If it goes our way, great! We have learned how to do it well. If it goes poorly, great! We have learned how not to do it next time and that we need to do it better. In the future, but beating yourself up keeps you stuck and doesn't allow you to continue to improve in whatever you're trying to work on.
[00:20:22] Priscilla: Yeah, absolutely. I think I had this point for a while where I was like constantly switching insurances and jobs and like until I had some stability. It was hard to establish with a primary care provider. And then you go in like when you have a cold or cough or something and someone gets listed.
[00:20:39] I don't as your primary care provider, but you really haven't established that relationship with them. But there you go to who you could get scheduled with. And so the whole system and not taking the time to set up and establish that relationship and see someone consistently. And I also feel like if you're going through a diagnosis, probably even with well, children, I think are probably different.
[00:20:59] Establish a Provided with them relatively early on,
[00:21:03] Dr. Maureen: I would think yes and no, because parents with kids go through the same deal with insurances. And if they change jobs, there's a different insurance and have to switch pediatricians and et cetera, et cetera. So for sure. There are frustrations because our health care system is not perfect.
[00:21:25] We're trying to do the best with the resources that we have. So please don't have your audience listen to me and think she has no clue because this is a frustrating process. It absolutely is. But you have to make the best of, working out the kinks in what you have available to you. So yes, absolutely that trying to set up times where you can build that relationship is super important because you will get better care in the end.
[00:22:03] Priscilla: I wanted to also ask you some questions about the struggle parents go through, but especially women when managing their child's health issues specific to the impact that it has on the women's health, because that's what you do with coaching, right? Helping parents thrive.
[00:22:21] So what are some of the issues that dealing with the child's health? creates for women's health, parents as well but women in specific if you can.
[00:22:31] Dr. Maureen: And so I specifically help moms and not that dads can't be helped, but the my focus is more with women. So I appreciate your question. The, the big thing. That I will say the number 1 thing that gets impacted when there's a child with a chronic illness is.
[00:22:58] The burden of that illness often becomes the sole focus of somebody's life of a mom's life and all of the other pieces. of life kind of fall by the wayside. So that means that career gets impacted. The mom's health gets impacted because they're not making time to take care of themselves.
[00:23:27] Their relationships get impacted because they're so focused on taking care of the kid. The the biggest thing that I teach moms right off the bat is the understanding that self care It is important and not a selfish thing. It is a necessity where, we fly on airplanes and the flight attendants tell us put your face mask on before you help somebody else.
[00:24:07] We need to take that own, that advice and apply it to our own lives where we're focusing on ourselves. and that will allow us to do a better job as a caregiver. The other thing is asking for help. We feel like We need to do everything and I can use myself as an example when my daughter was going through her cancer journey, I was very opposed to asking anyone for help because I had this dream that I was going to be a mom from the time I was this small child and asking for help meant that I wasn't accomplishing that goal like I had dreamed about.
[00:24:59] That it was a failure if I asked somebody to jump in and help me. But it's really not. It's really strength by being able to evaluate your plate and figure out where you Could use a little bit of help and ask somebody for it. That's the right thing to do. And so getting over that guilt of asking somebody for help becomes important too.
[00:25:29] Priscilla: Yes. I think that's such a skill that we all need to learn like everyone, not just moms, but Whether it's like pride or like fear of failure like we all have a hang up on asking for
[00:25:43] Dr. Maureen: help Yeah, and you know what helped me get over that for myself was this realization of A gift that I'm actually giving to somebody else when I ask them for help and what I mean by that is when somebody, when a friend of mine is sick or has a sick kid, I want to jump in and Give to them and serve them and make a meal or take their other kids or give them a night off or whatever it is.
[00:26:22] And it makes me feel good when I'm able to do that. I in my life have the opportunity to give that gift to other people if I just ask for help, that I can allow somebody to be filled with that same sort of warmth by allowing them to serve me if I ask them for it.
[00:26:49] Priscilla: That's so good. I feel like you probably answered my next question, which was going to be, how do women get out of the cycle or struggle that they're in?
[00:26:57] And that sounds like the key piece already and how they, and literally how they cope and how they find support. Any other ways that you think women should like just right out the gate if they're going through something like this that they should implement?
[00:27:13] Dr. Maureen: Yeah. So I would say one of the. biggest things that they can do is really understanding what's going on in their mind.
[00:27:26] Our brain is such a powerful tool that we can use to our advantage, but because our brain is thinking it's protecting us, sometimes it keeps us stuck and keeps us in a rut or creates negative emotions or gives us thoughts that don't really serve us. If we can manage our mind and really understand thoughts that are going on in our mind, then We can influence how we feel.
[00:28:05] And if we influence how we feel, we can influence how we act. And if we influence how we act, we can influence the results that we're getting in our lives. So really, if we go back to understanding our thoughts, and really being curious about our thoughts, we can influence everything down the line. And That should really be where we're spending our time.
[00:28:36] Priscilla: Absolutely, this is a bit of a personal question for me because I've just seen, I'm at the age where I can see a lot of young mothers in my friends group, some of them with children that are going through health issues. How does someone who, as I was formulating this So this question came to me last night and I was thinking, you know what, I really want to ask her, how does someone who is exposed to this I feel like when you go through something like traumatic or like life changing, this is my personal thing, but I think other people do it too.
[00:29:13] You lean on like your really tight knit, your close circle that like it's going to be uncomfortable to ask them for help. But those are the people that you're going to ask, right? Mhm. You're going to depend on them. And then you might have like further out friends who you might occasionally like they would know without social media, but like they might not be in regular contact with you.
[00:29:34] And so like I find myself falling in to this category, but then even there's people who are like in that friend slash acquaintance. Area where you literally wouldn't know unless this person posted on social media, right? And so then you have this knowledge that the internet lends to us and you can see someone who's like going through it You care about them But how can like people who aren't maybe in the most inner circle And close friends to friends than to maybe like acquaintances, maybe there's like different categories.
[00:30:09] I'm not thinking, but as you expand, like the circle of support, like, how can those people step in? Because it's Oh, we'll ask them what they need. They might be drowning. They might be like, thanks. I guess I'll just write you a list. Or, it just, it gets to this place where you're like, I can do this one thing for them, but then I don't.
[00:30:28] Yeah. Know what else to do or it's not like I'm showing up for them constantly, but I would still like to show up for them somewhat or occasionally in the ways that I can like how do people Enter into that. What ways are beneficial for families? I know, obviously, this would be a nuanced conversation depending on the person and the family, but yeah, what's out there for people.
[00:30:52] Dr. Maureen: Yeah. So first I would say something that you mentioned what can I do to help that question? I teach folks. Avoid that question. And the reason I say that is exactly the reason that you had even said they're going to respond, because they're drowning. And when somebody is offering assistance to help somebody in need, don't give them a choice of, the world is your oyster, pick something for me to do, because you are absolutely correct.
[00:31:31] They are stressed and overwhelmed and drowning. And Figuring out a laundry list of things that they need becomes another burden on them. I always teach folks, go to them and say, I would love to make you dinner. Do you have any food allergies? What night can I bring you dinner? Honing it down and being more specific can be super helpful because that's one less thing that they have to think about.
[00:32:07] Folks in who aren't in that kind of inner circle, maybe it is something simple like arranging a meal train where, the folks outside of the inner circle can bring meals like Monday, Wednesday, Friday something like that, but it's, it Offering specific assistance, I think, is the, is my big kind of message, just because it gets even harder when you don't offer something specific.
[00:32:45] And, some people say Maybe they don't want dinner. Then I say, okay say I'd really love to bring you dinner or I could take your kids for a night or so giving them a choice between two things that you're able to do can be a helpful thing to them but not leaving it up to.
[00:33:14] Endless possibilities is important.
[00:33:18] Priscilla: Absolutely. I'd love for you to share with us how you decided to write the book, Reclaiming Life, and how that process has been for you and who this book is a good fit for. Obviously, I think we all know at this point who it's for. But yeah, walk us through like how you're like, I'm going to write this book.
[00:33:36] This is what I'm going to write it about and
[00:33:40] Dr. Maureen: publishing it.
[00:33:41] So I'll first answer about who is this book for? And I'll tell you a story that goes along with that. So one of my very good friends through my life, is not married, has no children and is a man. He knew when I published this book that he was going to have to read it.
[00:34:04] Just because he's my friend. And he said he dragged his feet on ordering it. And After he read it, he called me and he said, Maureen, I want to apologize to you. I dragged my feet thinking this was not going to be applicable to me at all. But I have to tell you that this book has helped me personally, and I've already given it away to two of my friends.
[00:34:34] I think the message in the book, yes, it's directed to parents who have chronically ill kids, but the lessons in it are applicable to just about anyone. I wrote the book initially with the idea of writing down stories that happened in our family as a historical document for my kids and my kids.
[00:35:06] because they would always ask me, Hey, mom, can you tell us about the time when you diagnosed Kylie with diabetes? Or mom, can you tell us about the time when Kylie's central line wasn't working? And so I wanted those stories to be written down so they wouldn't be forgotten about. As I was writing the book, I realized that those stories of our life are really something that can help other people to make Their journey a little bit easier.
[00:35:47] So the book became this Melding of stories of my daughter stories of patients I've taken care of and Then each chapter has tips that the readers can put in place in their lives when they read the book and I finished the book. When I wrote the very last sentence of the book, I closed my laptop and I just started to cry.
[00:36:20] And I cried because I had this vision that this book was going to help others, but I reaped the benefit of it by going through this emotional healing through writing that I would have never experienced otherwise because putting myself back into the place Of experiencing a cancer diagnosis in an infant daughter and describing that in detail was something I had never truly done.
[00:37:02] And I was able to process a lot of emotions through it. So the emotional healing was very evident and now is one of the big reasons why I teach and am a big proponent of journaling. The power of journaling is huge and goes back to what we were talking about earlier about science. There's a lot of science in writing your thoughts down.
[00:37:33] Yeah,
[00:37:34] Priscilla: I feel like there's just so much more we could have talked talked about. I know you have a list of podcasts that you've been on your website, so I definitely feel like people should go check that out if they're more curious about I'm sure you have podcasts where you talked about type one diabetes, like more specifically You mentioned something I'm trying to remember what it was like a central line or some
[00:37:55] Dr. Maureen: central line.
[00:37:55] Yep. That's part of Most cancer patients have a central line, which is yeah
[00:38:02] Priscilla: So I'm sure it's just so much more that like you have in life experience that people could learn through the podcast, through working with you. So when I looked on your website, I saw one on one coaching, group coaching, workshop and keynotes and seminars are some services that you offered.
[00:38:19] Can you talk about each one of those services and any, if there's anything else that you've added and who they might be a good fit for, like how people can work with you and all of that.
[00:38:30] Dr. Maureen: Yeah, sure. So I love working with moms who are really trying to thrive in life and not allowing or trying to figure out how fear and overwhelm don't need to be leading their lives.
[00:38:51] I do a lot of one on one and group coaching that talks about and teaches advocacy, teaches organization, and teaches relationships. And folks can get in touch with me by checking out my website maureenmichellemd. com and there's a way to book a free 30 minute call on my website so that we can chat to figure out if I would be of value to them.
[00:39:28] That
[00:39:29] Priscilla: is awesome. I feel like also like just listening to you. I was like, oh, yeah, the fear and the overwhelm. There's like an anxiety right there's that mental component again, all of this stuff that people need to work with. Just the mental is so big. So one of the things that we do on the podcast is.
[00:39:48] If you imagine yourself with a whole crowd of people, you could grab a megaphone and just yell anything into it and say, Hey, this is what you need to pay attention to. This can change your life. What would that
[00:39:59] Dr. Maureen: be? I would say In the megaphone, it is going to be okay. And I say that because when we get presented with any sort of challenge in life, we can either allow life to happen to us and.
[00:40:22] Curl up into a ball and hope that it's all going to go away quick, or allow that challenge to really be a gift that we can learn from and allow life to happen for us to where we're growing through that experience. And if we choose that option, life is going to be okay, and we're going to get stronger from the experience.
[00:40:51] Yeah, I
[00:40:52] Priscilla: love that. Thank you, Maureen, so much for being on. I can only imagine how blessed your kids are to have you as their mom. And I
[00:40:59] Dr. Maureen: don't know if they'd say that. They
[00:41:01] Priscilla: might not, but they're kids, right? But they are right. Your mom can diagnose you like that's pretty incredible. Yeah. So yeah, they're really lucky.
[00:41:12] And anyone who works with you would be incredibly lucky. This just sounds incredible. And I think so many mothers need this, we need it for women's health and just overall taking care of ourselves. So thank you so
[00:41:24] Dr. Maureen: much. No, thank you, Priscilla. This has been very fun conversation. I appreciate you.
